reflections

the year is almost at a close and it's been a bumpy year full of peaks and valleys - but it seems like there were more valleys.

The year started off with personal loo, then I lost my job. I remember thinking "what next Lord? surely you have a plan for me." 'for His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watched me...'

I quickly found new employment - I wasn't even unemployed for 24 hours. What began as a great new job full of challenge and growth ended up with near lawsuits for work place abuse and harassment against my employer.

The good things that came out of that was Tehmadflip got to stay at home with the kids for a while. I made sick money for doing very little which gave us enough money to buy a truck (which we sold) and a house and move 2000km (or so) across the country for a better life.

I had to leave some family and friends behind, which is always sad. And my kids still cry for them, but time heals all wounds.

I could focus on all the things that I neglected to do, or should have done. I should have spent more time in prayer and less time watching TV. I should have spent less time cleaning and more time reading my bible. I should have spent less time worrying about silly little things and more time chasing my kids.

But a lot of good came from the valleys I walked through, and I look back and am grateful for all of it.

I lost my job, but found a new one.
There was work place abuse and harassment, but the money I made allowed me to buy a house and move (something we had been talking about for years)
I achieved my first degree black belt in Shotokan Karate (a goal I had put on hold for almost a decade)
I got to start my own business and stay home with my kids
Tehmadflip got to also get some time home with the kids.

All in all, it was a great year and I am looking forward with anticipation for what the Lord will bring forth in this new year coming.

Day 8 - Sun

Luke 1:57-80

Thank goodness for the dollar store at Christmas...where else could I find gold sparkel-foam that was sticky on one side for 1/2 a dollar?

This was about Zechariah describing Jesus as the “rising sun” coming from heaven to
“shine on those living in darkness”. The kids related this back to the first craft of making a candle. Pumpkin turned off all the lights to demonstrate darkness and then turned on the Christmas Tree lights to show how Jesus is the light. We talked about night and day and how in the morning the world is dark and the the sun comes up and there is light. Since the sun doesn't rise until after 7am, the kids are usually up to watch the sky change a rainbow of colours.

Day 7 - Song

Luke 1:46-56

Sing Mary Sing! (great song) We covered a CD in jewels and glass stones - that was a fun craft and the next morning, the kids pulled it all apart. I think they had more fun ripping it then they did gluing it.

Mary was so encouraged when she went to visit Elizabeth, that she burst out in song to the Lord. Then we all sang a made up song to God. It was so refreshing to hear the little voices of my kids praise the Lord from the heart and not worry if the melody made sense or if they were singing on key or if the words rhymed. It was just pure praise.

Day 6 - Elizebeth and Mary

We got a bit side tracked and day 4 and 5 didn't happen (they were the angel and Mary). Saturday was just a crazy day...I don't even remember what happened....I think Steve ended up having to work most of the day. Sunday we went into town and the kids were so over-stimulated and over-tired by the time they got back, they barely made it to 7:15pm before they crashed.

So the verse was Luke 1:39 - 45. Now that Pumpkin has met some of her cousins, she understood the relationship between Mary and Elizabeth when I compared it to that of her relationship with cousins. I subbed Tummy for Womb as that's not really conversation I was prepared for at 7pm after a loooooooong day.

the craft turned into an extended colour session. Boo painted himself in marker, and Pumpkin removed the glue stick from the tube and smeared it all over her hands. Back in the bath they went. sigh.

But they had fun and learned a little bit :) mission accomplished.

Day 3 - Zechariah

Luke 1: 5 - 25

This was a long passage for the kids and they had a hard time staying focused, however, once I paraphrased it, it was better.

They tried to be quiet for 2 minutes - just like Zechariah had been silent for almost a year....they lasted about 30 seconds before bursting into laughter.

Pumpkin thought her Zechariah would look good with an X over his mouth to symbolize silence...then she added whiskers. Boo liked that idea and added whiskers to his own face with a marker (i will have to wash that off later) and now he is crawling around the house like a cat meowing.

Day 2 - Kingdom

Same verse - only today, Pumpkin wanted to repeat the whole verse after me, so I spoke slowly and in little chunks so she could keep up. Boo had fallen asleep and didn't participate in day 2....which is kind of good as he had a difficult day and the craft was to paint a toilet paper roll like a crown and stick jewels on it. Paint would have been everywhere....

Pumpkin also remembered the verse from yesterday and that Jesus is the light. She went over to the Christmas Tree and stepped on the switch that turns the light on an off.
"see mommy, when I turn the light s off, it's very dark. and then I turn them on there is light! just like Jesus - He is light"

Boo thought his craft from yesterday would look better in pieces...then he was upset with his choice, so we made another one.

24 days of advent - Day 1

I was reflecting once advent started. How do I make this important to my kids? How to I get them to focus on giving rather than getting? How often do we talk about Jesus in the days and week leading up to Christmas?
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Then I read a blog post by my friend and there was her thoughts on Advent and a very handy (and cheap) link for http://truthinthetinsel.com/ - a hands on approach for young children all about advent and the real reason for the season. I almost jumped for joy - I bought it and we started yesterday.

Day 1 - we read Isiah 9: 2 - 7. Not sure how much my kids got out of the scripture, but the craft was good and brought home the message.

This morning Pumpkin wanted to do the next craft right away! I'm saving it for after dinner as our evening ritual...it's a very nice way to end the day.

Today Pumpkin ran around the house singing her made-up song:
"i wonder what I can give for Christmas.
I love because of Jesus.
I give because He gave.
I want to give away Christmas.
Give away Christmas.
Give away Christmas"

I can't wait to see what else this will foster in my kids....and in me

A wife of nobel Character.

When I first read the scripture when I was younger (and single, and green in my faith) I would be filled with anger and frustration. I thought I could never ever strive to be this person, especially when I read the verse "...and her lamp doesn't go out at night". I like (and need) my sleep thank you very much.

When I first got married, I set for myself an unrealistic expectation of what I thought this proverb was telling me. I got angry and frustrated in a different way.

Then I wised up and looked for the silver lining and I noticed 2 things.
First, this is not a literal description. Not all women are cut out to be Martha Steward on drugs.
Second, this speaks to husbands as well as wives.

This Wife is honest, trust worthy, deserving of her husbands confidence and adds value to him and her house hold. She is his partner and care for his goals and aspirations...she supports him

She has marketable skills - this wife can sew, can trade and barter, she looks for ways to make her skills benefit the family. Not all women are domestic goddesses, but everyone has a skill that can be used to benefit the house hold.

When she sets out to do a task, she tackles it head on and doesn't give up. She looks at it from different angles. She doesn't eat of the bread of idleness, but idleness and resting are different. Her lamp doesn't go out at night...her garments she sold to merchants who might now be in different time zones will be working. The dishes might be soaking over night...perp work might be done to make the next day easier and is waiting ot be used. Crops grown at night too.

She takes care of her body. She keeps herself fit, well dressed and attractive for her husband, She also takes care of those who help her - like her servants and her children....AND reaches into her community and helps those who need a little extra.

most important, not only does she love and fears God......but she has confidence in herself.

Her husband has confidence in her. Her husband is respected and therefore also has good moral character to the point that he sits with the elders at the city gates. He praises her. But deeper than that when it talks about her buying a field, trading items to merchant ships etc....Her husband must have supported her and encouraged her in her ventures.

That sounds a little more obtainable.

The Power of Fear.

I lost my way when I was 11 and an only beginning to find it now. Recent events taught me that although I had come a long way I still have a long way to go. I sobering reminder of the lasting damage that is caused by having to live with domestic violence.

To give you the coles notes version. my father died when I was 9 and I had a new dad by the time I was 11. He was nice - at first. Then it's like someone tripped the breaker and the lights went out. He because abusive. Starting with verbal assaults and character shattering comments and moved in to physical and sexual abuse and moved in to psychological abuse (where he would play mind games to see how bad he could mess you up). He drank, he smoked, he got high. I think the last 3 or 4 years of their marriage I never saw him sober. He at least usually gave me a warning before unleashing an attack. I was most of the time able to escape to my bedroom which I had equipped with a lock so I could lock myself in. No one else had a key. I had hidden it in my piano under a piece of wood. By the time I was 14, I was completely broken. I tried to kill myself and drink myself away and give myself away - desperate for love. Of course none of this worked. I still got A's (or else) and was on sports teams and involved in music. To look at me, you wouldn't know my torment.

He terrified me. He would walk into a room and I would shrink.

My mom knew all of this but wasn't able to do anything to help me...she couldn't even help herself. Their marriage ended when he got tired of beating on me and my brother and turned on her.

I was further lost - no longer motivated by fear, I wasn't able to find motivation anywhere. I was in a string of abusive relationships furthering my demise up until the last person I was seeing before I met my husband.

I ran into him while I was engage in the grocery store and - My husband can attest to this - I literally froze upon seeing him. I dropped all my groceries right there in the middle of the isle and walked out of the store.

He's worked hard (along with others) to help coax me out of my shell and horrible survival techniques that will take me a lifetime to unlearn.


I've come a long way and was recently employed (I no longer am) by a women who was a female version of my ex-step-dad only she didn't hit or molest me. But in all other senses she was like him. I knew her next move and it pissed her off. Because of my experience I was able to out fox the fox...for a time. But when you live in a toxic and fear driven environment, then you either have to escape it or take it. I wasn't willing to take that again. I took it a little bit and she was equally a great manipulator but I was able to deflect some of her tactics some of the time. What was interesting is that when I found myself in a situation I swore up and down I would never allow myself to be in again....that same fear that paralyzed me the first time around still gripped me...but not as bad. Before I was unaware that I was being talked in circles...now I was aware of it and it was almost like I was out-of-body watching it all happen.

I eventually quit. She "didn't understand why" and there's no way to tell her. I said it was constructive dismissal and work place harassment. She didn't understand the first term, so I told her to go look it up. (yes I dare talk back - politely of course)

Time does indeed heal all wounds....some just take a life time.

Help! a Princess Ate My Daughter!

Not really, but I own a few princess movies from Disney....and I let Pumpkin watch them on occasion.

We now living in a society where the media is littered with images of too-skinny girls and how to be like that. Let's face it - a VERY small percent of the population actually looks like that on their own. I saw a poster once of 2 sets of similar legs legs from about mid-thigh down. The question was posed at the bottom "which one is the super-model and which one is the child dieing from malnutrition?" The honest truth? I couldn't tell the difference. We are dieing (literally) to be thin and the pressure is on all of us - especially teenagers.

When we look at dolls and princesses that are presented to very young girls, they ALL have these skinny girls with impossibly small wastes, full breasts, small feet, dainty hands, perfect completion, no freckles or glasses or bad hair days. Barbie is the worst culprit - if she were a real person, she would fall over. Her waste is too narrow and her breasts are so disproportionate, that shes too top heavy.

Then come the princesses - and they all look about the same - only they are proportionate. But more than the looks of them, it's the message of what they tell our young impressionable daughters.

Ranked (in order of best to worst)

Tiana (the princess and the frog) This hard-working gal brought diversity to the princess brand. She dream of owning her own restaurant and never gives up.

Belle (Beauty and the beast) She loves reading and chooses the less-than-lovely Beast over hottie Gaston - she sees inner beauty. But some of the scenes with the Beast have a domestic violence vibe about them.

Jasmine (aladdin) She keeps a tiger as a pet. So tough. She isn't content with being just a princess - she ventures out to see the world and finds a Diamond in the rough and marries a peasant.

Aura (Sleeping Beauty) Her obedience to her fate is a good lesson for all girls - in the end she ends up not only obeying, but gets the prince too (with a little help from the fairies)

Rapunzel (Tangled) What can't this girl do with her hair? Too bad it takes a hot guy to give her the guts to climb out of her tower.....

Cinderella (Cinderella) This rages-to-riches girl teaches how to have a good attitude when life hands you lemons and not grumble and complain even though her life is anything but fair. Not much else here except the lesson that Ugly = Evil.

Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs) She loves house work and falls for Prince Charming at first sight. Her ability to talk to animals is sweet, but hardly a useful skill at all. She shacks up with 7 men until she takes off with Prince charming.

Ariel (The Little Mermaid) She gives up her family and her voice to join some guy who may or may not even like her. Her rebellion and disobedience to her father and ohter authorities lands her in trouble with the sea witch.= - she falls in with the wrong crowd to try to get what she wants....and all at the age of 16. How charming.....

It is very tempting to clear out my DVD rack and just avoid the risk that my daughter is learning that life is all about being skinny, blond and rich. But I know that she'll get a princess for a birthday or a christmas gift from a family member, or see Barbie on the toy shelf. I don't plan on sheltering her form the imperfections of pop culture, just loving and supporting her enough so that she grown up thinking of herself as a princess on her own terms.

God's great provision

They say that hind sight is 20-20...and it is. It's easier to see things clearly when looking back. I was reflecting on the whole moving process at 3am when I couldn't sleep this morning.

Steve and I have been talking about moving for years and years....but have never been able to make it happen. Last December, we felt that the time was getting closer. Steve was on EI and at home with the kids. I was working at a job - but they "eliminated my position" in march. I was unemployed for less than 2 days and had seemingly found an awesome job. That turned out to be not the case at all. With the amount I was making, we could banks Steve's money. We soon had enough to move and started to make plans to do so. We were looking at apartments, or renting houses....it was getting down to the wire....we had given notice at our apartment, but had no where to live in NS, and no way to get there. For the areas we were looking in, door after door got slammed in our face. Too small, too expensive, we didn't move fast enough. I was getting frustrated and at the seemingly 11th hour - God showed up on time and we were provided an opportunity to purchase a house.

There were hiccups and bumps that we had to endure and get through - prayerfully. And there were miracles that happened. For example, Pearl (who owned the home we now own) had given power of attorney to her daughter - but something wasn't done correctly in the process. Correcting this error normally takes weeks. God made it happen in hours. There was an issue with the drive way - the entrance is on our side, but the neighbours have to drive down it to get to their spot. it was some sort of zoning issue. That go cleared in in days rather than weeks. The asking price for the house was significantly higher than the appraised price - fortunately the seller dropped the price and we were able to afford it.

We were able to buy a truck way under budget that was in good condition and are about to sell it for a profit....just before the bad weather sets in making it harder to sell and possible causing damage over the course of the winter. Not to mention paying $300 a month in insurance is INSANE! (stupid Ontario). For the record, car insurance for me out here is about $75/month

We moved and got settled and were both able to start working right away. Our house is conveniently located 5 minutes from Pumpkin's school. 7 minutes from Steve's work. 10 minutes form church and 15 minutes from the ocean (all walking of course) The grocery store is about a 25 minute walk away though. The library is also about 10 minutes away and so is a local bakery that has amazing bread. We were given appliances (fridge and stove) and the house came with a washer and dryer. I have a back yard and a laundry line. I can breathe in fresh air and see the stars at night. It's so safe that I could leave my doors unlocked (I don't for the record).

My own little slice of heaven.

Let the adventure begin

This past month has been a challenge to say the least. I'm far away from almost everything and everyone I've ever known, in a new and strange city (that I keep getting lost in because the streets are all on weird angles!). My kids seem to have adjusted well though, so that's a blessing. They still miss 1 friend of ours that was at our house in Toronto almost everyday. Poor Pumpkin asks for her at least once a day. Thanks goodness for Slype and Google Chat!

There are limited job prospects here and a lot of people are on "poggy" AKA welfare or EI. In addition to that there are other "strange" (at least to me) things here. First, my high school population would make up about 10% of the population of where I live. Everyone knows everyone or knows someone who knows you. That is strange coming from living in an apartment building where I never even met my neighbour after living there for 2 years.
Second, there are NO traffic lights in town...there are just cross walks - most of them with no flashing lights. Does that mean that I J-Walk and pray traffic will stop? Strangely enough, most of the cars just stop to let you cross - even if you aren't at a designated crossing point! no way that would happen in Toronto.
Third. The accent. To me, everyone here has an accent. To everyone else, I am the one that talks differently. Go on Youtube and look up Cape Breton Accent - you'll get a good laugh. I have to practice my Torontonian. lol.
Fourth - Im so used to the TTC that it's very strange that there are 2 buses that run into town. There is one that runs you to the nearest major city (the third largest in NS - which is about a 30 minute drive from me) and the other takes you north and then west and back down into the city. The price to ride the bus is higher than in Toronto and they are apparently unreliable in regards to their scheduled stops.

the price of food is generally higher. Meat is almost double the price. Dairy is $1 - $2 more. Produce is pretty on par as are other general grocery items. This presents an interesting challenge when budgeting and making meal plans - gotta stretch that dollar. So recently I started looking at coupons. We can't coupon like they do in the US, but I do what I can. I base my meals around what's on sale in the weekly flyer, cut coupons when I can and buy a generic brand when I can http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifas supposed to a name brand.

The last strange-to-me thing is that there is no JK here and French Immersion starts in Grade 7.

I started a home day care which is doing OK - I could do with 1 more full time child and that would be good...hopefully another one will come. I have 2 part time children and 1 full time child. I have a 3 month old, and 18 month old a 2.5 year old and two 4 year olds. This also provides me with an opportunity to do a bit of homeschooling with Pumpkin on account of their being no JK. (and the other 4 year old too - might as well!) My friend who is one of the most amazing women I have ever met, recently posted some amazing tips in her blog about homeschooling.

http://careyjaneclark.com/encouragement/ (can't get hyper-link tool to work...you'll have to copy-paste)

home sweet home

The 2 weeks where i was separated from my family was very difficult - more so for Steve because he was here in Glace Bay with them alone, while I was stuck in Toronto.

I resigned on Friday and walked off the job. I had had enough of my evil boss. She had yelled at me and called me one name too many. Constructive Dismissal. I'll never be able to prove it in a court, but that's what it was.

Saturday, I packed my suit case and said good-bye to everything that was familiar to me and flew out to start a new life.

My new house is great! I can't believe that I own a house. It has a huge basement (but the ceiling is very low, I have to duck)and a cold seller. The kitchen is a bit small, but that's ok. The bathroom has one of those old deep tubs with claw feet. I have a nice backyard and a laundry line up. Although the lawn is full of weeds, under those is that beautiful rich black dirt you pay a pretty penny for at the store. The front lawn has wild strawberries growing. If I walk down the end of my street, I can see the ocean.

boxes and packing tape and mess - Oh My!

my house is a complete disaster. Our dining room is now full of most of our personal belongings and furnature. The back room is full of boxes. The kids room has some garbage items and a few toys and their matresses. Our bedroom has dismanteled furnature and a few odds and ends. The living room is a complete mess and I don't even want to go IN my kitchen!

Is it any wonder my kids are melting down? no. We are counting the sleeps (4) until Steve and the kids hop on a plane and fly to Glace Bay. The cheese stands alone - I have to stay behind at minimum 1 week. maybe more....(hopefully not)

but they understand we are leaving and our stuff is going on a big truck and Uncle David will drive out. THey do NOT know that I'm not going with them, but will have to meet them there in 2 weeks. we will not tell them until the absolute late minute - like at the plane gates when I can't go any further with them into the air port.....that won't be fun. And they will have a hard time understanding why I can't come and it will be very hard for Steve. They will have no house for a week once they get there....and then Steve has to start work, so there will be at least a week where my grandparents will be looking after them.....it will be a challenging time for everyone.

Mommy - play with me!

second to the words "I love you" come "play with me". On the weekend, Abby asked me to play with her while I was in the middle of something. My first reaction was "no mommy is busy I'll play with you later". Me second thought was "wait a second! it won't be long until I'm chasing HER for attention"

"Wait Abby! I will play with you. I need a minute to safely put away what I'm doing, so why don't you go get what you would like to play with and bring it to the living room?"

THe light in her eyes was priceless....my chores can wait.

boxes

My house is full of boxes. The back room is full of boxes, packed and un-packed. THe packed ones my kids try to move around - but they are full of books mostly. THe unpacked ones they carry around the house and try to pack various items.

A will ask me "Mommy? Don't forget my books!" or "Can we bring my dolly?" She is worried that we might leave some thinge behind. And truth be told, we will leave things behind. Not only can we not take everything, but everything won't fit where we are going. It will interesting to see who she reacts to having to leave stuff behind.