sometimes parenting sucks!

it really does.  It sucks when I have to say no, or maybe later.  It sucks when they break the rules and I have to administer discipline or there's a negative consequence.  It sucks when they cry and are upset and I can't seem to comfort them....and they haven't even reached school age yet!  that will bring a whole new level to "fun and drama".

I dislike the word "punishment".  You punish criminals, not children.  You discipline children - they are still learning, then need guidance and correction, not harshness.

In our house, they get a warning "that wasn't the right response - what do you think you should have done differently?" or sometimes I just tell them if they can't figure it out.  And then I lay out a consequence if they choose to do it again. "if you choose to hit your brother on purpose again, you will go sit in time out for 4 minutes" or whatever other consequence, like deprivation of special things, like a tv show or a treat. I use 1 minute as per the age of the child and set a timer so there's no second guessing.  If that STILL fails, then I resort to a spank.  but I have rules for spanking:
1. they child MUST understand why/  why they are getting a spank. what they did wrong. etc.  If they don't, it's only punishment and accomplishes nothing.
1. NEVER in public or in a way that will shame them. Again, it's not designed to hit and humiliate them...or else that's all they will learn how to do.
1. NEVER be angry when you spank.  If you tell your child to learn to control their temper, then you better be able to control yours.
1. tell them then number of spanks they are going to get.  I give 3 - always.
1. Pray and love.  After they have been spanked, pray with them, tell them how much you love them.

Yes they are all labeled 1. because they are all equally important.

I also try not to yell.  This demonstrates to my kids that I do not have control over myself, but then I tell them that they need to control themselves?  doesn't work very well.

and lastly, I have 2 saying in my house that I use often:
"Listen and obey right away"
"the first time I say it, you obey it"

They have their own minds and will, thoughts and feelings and that isn't meant to be authoratative and controlling.  But if I say, "ok, it's bed time, please go brush your teeth" - then I expect them to get up and brush their teeth.  Or "we are going to eat lunch in 10 minutes, it's time to tidy up the toys" - then I expect them to tidy up.  If they have an objection, then they need to ask "can I have 2 more minutes please" or "may I finish up this puzzle first?"

 I try not to hinder their play unless they are engaging in something dangerous either to themselves or others.  Boo Supermaning off the couch while there is a baby crawling on the floor is not the best idea. I have nothing against trying to be superman, just not around crawling infants.

Am I perfect? certainly not.  I fail, I break some of these rules some times.    I do my absolute best to be consistent as much of the time as possible and to make sure that my husband and I are on the same page.  Pumpkin will ask him for something and he'll say no, and then she'll come ask me and I say "daddy said no, so I'm saying no too."
And even if I don't agree with the no - I will back him up (and he does likewise to me)....although sometimes I object in front of the kids (oops) but I'm pretty good at catching myself.